Where'd My Post Go??

Wow. Blogspot must have been offended because I posted one sentence. LOL. I figure there must be a 2 sentence minimum? Oh well.
On to other things.............

Today was great! A little emotional (more so this week if you ladies know what I mean), but time well spent w/friends (like family) eating,talking and laughing. I started to cry earlier talking to my daughter. I do miss them. Alot. But their growed to coin a phrase. It's just this was the first year that I have not actually made something or had Thanksgiving w/them.

After dinner, which was actually spent at the table w/no TV, we watched Four Christmases. Great movie w/ Vince Va Va Voom Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. Didnt they hook up at one point?

And after that, while Dallas kicked Raider butt, I made calls and txts from family and friends. musta said Happy Thanksgiving a thousand times. Im soooo past that now. I decided to say Merry Christmas now. HA!

Im just soooooo darn Thankful like never before.
Annnnnddddd tp top that off an old friend called me back after I asked if i could tell his daughter Happy Thanksgiving. She's just a doll! I must have asked her 12 thousand questions and super fast. lol. I was nervous. Must have been a precursor to later in the conversation because my friend got on the phone and asked me uncomfortable yet encouraging questions ( do NOT wake me up at 6 Soul to ask!!) . Im hoping this will go places.........hehe

Oh, did I mention that I have a fantastic pic of them? Kinda captures their personality in it.

So now Im in bed watching The Matchmaker w/Jeannie garasomething. A pretty good movie.
Im a sucker for a good romance. Lots of cussing in it though.

See you in the AM!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Well. I woke up. Mother Nature visited me. I need to get up. Im done.

Just a quick post. Im supposed to be in the shower getting ready to go to the job. Today is the day that I get to spend actual time at home w/the family I will be nannying (is that a word?). I look forward to it. It's part of The Dream. Another step.
I took a Stoopid FB Test today (that's what I call them) and it was "what song describes your life" and it said it was accurate. It was! My song was "Unwritten" by natasha somebody. I went and watched it and realized it was a remake. But I listened to it really for the first time. really listened. Wow. Gotta love it!
Anyway. Idon't have much to write. The brain is in a slight fog for the moment. Would love for you to drop a line and let me know how YOUR doing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lFXy5bIiSA

Secret

First of all,I would like to thank all the people that made this happen.............lol. Ok, just kidding! Kinda.
Thank you for the kind comment Soul. And yes, Cabela's was something else!
Of course it does not take much to entertain me.
So this journey called Texas, hmmm, where do I start?
How about w/the walk home yesterday?
Ma, you know your not in California anymore when you see this:










Quite the culture shock here for me!
Imagine of you will a place where men actually open the doors for ladies,say please and thank you,SMILE at strangers and ask "How y'all doin?"
Wow, I think Im in heaven!
Now, if I could just find that MAN. Hmmmmmm
You see, I KNOW I should be married.
How?
Glad you asked!
I LOVE to take care of people! And don't like lonely.
I just had to "redefine" my title.
I went from "single mom" to "empty nester". YUK TWICE!
So where the heck are the Gentlemen? The good ones that is!

Ok, I'll be patient. I still have 3 or more years for school.
but when Im done it would be nice to have a soulmate,business partner and confidante.
You writing this all down, God?

Allright, on to other matters.
I have a job. Kinda. I start the nanny job Tues (tomorrow). Soul and Soulman have been kind enough to let me borrow the car. Thanks, guys! I keep telling Soul that her n Soulman are like peas n carrots.
And then next week my employers will rent a car for me to use to drive out there to work as a live-out. And if all goes well, I will become a live-in!
We all get along very well. they have 2 year old twins and a 7 year old . Cute family.

It will be nice to work again. Specially taking care of a household. Yah, im strange, I know.
Yikes! Dogs went beserk. I turned on music and they are not used to it. Wow. it's ok though.
Funny how even animals have routines.

Im about to be outta here but wanted to share why the post was named Secret. I have a secret blogspot where I once posted a very personal poem. felt like if i did NOT blog some feelings, that I would explode like the Blueberry girl from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Well, I went to the blog to make it go byebye because I thought it just rambled (and it did). But a guy who posts poems here all the time said he was drawn in and was waiting to see more.
I have decided I will keep this secret blogspot and post more.
That's all for now!

Wee Haw!!

Hello Everyone!
It's been a loooong time beetween posts. Didn't mean to stay away for so long.
Well, things have progressed alot since my last post. Im in Texas now and loving it!
I experienced my first TX thunderstorm last night. Not too bad, but I ended up on the couch downstairs and scared the crud outta Soul. Sorry Soul : )

So I had decided to leave my church family, my real family,my hometown and California for something better.
I had been becoming more and more depressed since the last post and really just felt like laying down and dying due to all that junk going on in my life. And even worse was just the fact that I wasn't even sure where my relationship w/God was even going. And He has always been my First Love. the idea of not trusting in and relying on Him was breaking my heart. I didnt understand at that point that He was leading me to a new place. And it wasn't working because it time for change.
I was advised to stay and that was really working on me because I consider myself to be very loyal and felt that to leave may be the wrong thing to do, but still had to admit that I had my peace w/the decision to leave.
This Journey has been the best so far. Im curious to see where it leads. I applied to college to get my BS in Business Mgmt but have to start off w/my AA and may work my way up. Depends.
My dream is to own a B&B. My plan is to get a job (3 interviews this week,yay!),go to school for at least 3 years to tweak the hospitality skills already placed in me, pay off my debt and then pursue my dream of owning the B&B.

Problem is that I will end up owing for the schooling when Im done. Well, I guess that's the price you pay for the dream.
Im not the greatest blogger and I apologize for that. And Im getting distracted by nekkid men on Souls blog (OMG did she really do that? lol!),watches and food.
I give up. I'll get back to this later.
And I'll have a tell all about a certain someone that is becoming very special to me.
Ok. Tata for now!

MI VIDA LOCA

Ok, so here it is about 6 months from my last blog. so sorry. Imma just start writing (rambling). In the last year I have seen Hell and visited it and it's NOT pretty!!! Here's a list of what has happened:
**Eldest daughter moved back to hometown w/abusive boyfriend and 2 kids. Moved in w/me. he moved in w/church family after giving life to God. Did good for awhile. Didnt want to go all the way and ended up leaving mad,lying and of all things,pregnant. Daughter moved in w/dad, said she hated my guts and I would never see or hear from them again (Thank God that only lasted 2 months!) This all came out because her Bi Polar boyfriend put his hand thru her window and then threatened the rest of the family to shoot them (us).

** Middle child decided she didnt like house rules and we were always fighting so she moved out on a bad nate.

**My baby has been badly affected by this, she turns 18 in 2 weeks and has been doing stuff behind my back. So I released her to move in w/her aunt early.

** Was doing daycare in the midst of all of this and because my eldest was lazy to clean up after her and her 2 babies, I did it. I was working from 7 am sometimes till 10pm and not making money or getting rest. So i shut my daycare down thinking I could get another job. I mean, i have A:WAYS had at least 2 jobs!

** I had an errand service for 9 years working and making great money for a couple w/health issues. So they passed on w/in a few months of each other. So I lost income there not to mention the fact that the wife was a dear friend. : (

** That left me no option but to give back my van that I had been paying on for 3 years.

** so now its 5 months later and I still have no job, no car and the self esteem has been shot down to nothing! It could have been easier if the ex had paid child support these last 3 years.

** and the topper was when my phone was stolen and sold to someone in another part of the state (like it's Flat Stanley or something!)
** Oh yea, It's menopause time (like Hammertime, but different)

YUKKKK!!

Im telling you, I was ready to call someone up and just LEAVE!!! Seriously!!

BUT....................
God's mercy is greater and I have wonderful pastors that God was already putting me on their hearts to come talk to me. So my female pastor (Pastor's wife) comes and knocks on my door and stays and just LISTENS to me rant and rave (calmly) for 2 hours, then she prays for me and I could feel things "lifting" away from me.
Also that night an old friend calls me after I had seen him on facebook and written him. I was so happy because this person was a major part of my life as a teenager. he was a friends boyfriend. I had always loved his openess and felt comfortable around him. well he confesses to me that he actually liked me back then! Wow , that FLOORED me! I didnt say too much about it, but I was remembering that I used to be attracted to hom too. But at that point it would have caused trouble. I never let any males get too close anyway back then.
So as Im talking to him imrealizing that all my life I have had an affinity to men w/red hair. it almost instantly puts me at ease (go figure). I have been attracted to certain color redheads, and that my type was and IS his personality!!
He is still pretty easy going after all these years and a divorce. I didnt ask about what happened in his divorce because i AM attracted to him. So he works at an interesting place and so I grabbed my daughter and went to visit him at work about 3 days later after talking on the phone. I never told him I liked him, that would put me in an uncomfortable spot. We get there and he takes us around and shows us the different areas, and Im liking it more and more .
Now mind you I was divorced in 99 , have not slept w/another man snce then and dated very briefly in 99-2000 and it left very bad taste in my mouth! I have been waiting patiently for a very long time and will continue to wait for the RIGHT one. But oh how I was letting myself get close to him. And it felt oh so dang RIGHT!!! Whenever the male species (or anyone) gets too close I back away. i have "comfort" zones and use them. But I could for the life of me NOT help myself! aggghhh!
Im frustrated because he is on the brain, and I really want to tell hom how it has been for me since I started talking to him. But I want him to make the first move. And then there I have another prblem. My morals concerning dating are high. I just dont! I would like to get married again someday (soon would be nice but I hate the whole "courting" stage. I also want a man of God . I wont even go there.
Anywhooo. this man has a whole LOT of characteristics I have wanted in a husband. From a great job, to the way he treats females and family, easy attitude and kinda laid back . So you tell me, do i like these traits because I seen them in him from a long time ago? Or does he just have them cause God put these desires in me? I feel TORTURED!!! I keep asking God to take this away because:

**I have eaten my way thru the last year and now have let my self go (but been losing a lb a day since my pastor viseted-no more appitite) and am insecure about my weight

** Am thinking he wont feel the same

**Have always prided myself about having a job and transportation. Now nothing. i sometimes HATE American culture

** Want to make sure It's not a temp "rescue" thing on my behalf although I dont think so

**Hope Im not putting what I "think he is" on him

**Goes against every princeple I have been taught. Am I too churchy for him?? I would never abandon my God for ANYTHING, but would I back off some of my princeples and risk backsliding for him according to my current church? And please dont be harsh about my church I have seen miracles in mine and others lives thru the years and if you know me you can feel it thru my conversations.

**Does he even think ANYTHING about me besides "what a nice visit"?


**Am waiting for his next move

So how can a level headed woman who has fought tooth and nail to make sure NO One gets close to her (male wise) completly lose her cool in a matter of a 2 hour conversation and a 4 hour visit to his work???? And I know he has a heart for God , but serving God is another matter entirely. I want time and opportunity to get to know these things.
Ok, Im done. i need to try to go get some sleep now.
Go ahed input me : )
DISCLAIMER- I am NOT going back over my notes because I would have to fix ALL the typo's and Im just not "there"
Ni NIGHT Blog World!

Happy easter!!

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